The Fish Hack won’t be adding his regular stain to The Fish Wrap for awhile, but that doesn’t mean you Blog Brothas and Mothas get a break from your daily cuppa Hack.

I’m in San Jose with ducats to the NCAA West Regional Finals. The Fish Hack’s parents, aka Sperm Donor and Host Organism, scored seats through a legit connection. Promised one to me if I didn’t sit with them or ever use their names online. In other words, obey the restraining order and I get seats for three games.

Today opens with the Kansas Jayhawks versus the Southern Illinois Salukis. Game 2 is Pitt Panthers versus UCLA Bruins. Let the other Hacks break down the match-ups hoops-wise. We’ll do it by the critters that represent their institutions.

JAYHAWKS v. SALUKIS

Hoopsters say it’s the Jayhawks in a laugher. Fish Hack says get real.
Hard to like the Jayhawks here because THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A JAYHAWK. It’s a term used in Kansas territorial days for everyone from drunken raiders to abolitionists to drunken abolitionists.

A Saluki is a Persian hound that hunts by sight, not scent. That makes it hard here.
How can a Saluki sight-hunt a myth?

The only way to solve this is Fake Species v. Real Species. Fake species are unprotected under Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife rules. So take the Saluki’s, which already beat Bigfoot and Unicorns to get to the Sweet 16.

PANTHERS v. BRUINS

Another tough one because both species come in under gooey pseudonyms. “Panthers” brings back memories of the late 1990s when an ODFW spin-doctor actually tried to get The Fish Hack axed for making fun in The Fish Wrap of her insistence of changing “cougars” to “mountain lions” in official ODFW publications. Last heard, The Spin Doctor was peddling organic dog biscuits. Pretty obvious who won that one.

“Bruins” rhymes with “ruins,” which is what UCLA does to my bracket if they blow this one.
So, it’s bracket-munching Bear versus Cougar’s out-of-state cousin. Omnivore versus carnivore.

Take the Omnivore, by a nose.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 22nd, 2007 at 9:40 am and is filed under Outdoor Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.